I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
