we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
