so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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