If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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