I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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