i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
