I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
