just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Found the puke drawer
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
