Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
