Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
