I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
