enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
