He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
