Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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