I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
