And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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