She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
