If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
