the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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