I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize