Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
