i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
