i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
