3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
