so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
