I could have mohawked her pubes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
