When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
