It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
