Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
