listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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