I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
