Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
