omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
