so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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