i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
