Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
