In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
