the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
