im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
