tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
