THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
