i just google imaged poop.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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