I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
