I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
