He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
