Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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