i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
