Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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