No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
