she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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