Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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