Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
